Warning, I’m feeling raw and ripe and ultra nervous about pressing ‘publish’ on this post – you can probably see that in my crazy eyes (and hair) in the pic above.
I had this post scheduled for next week (well, in that post I had planned to share my news with you, not necessarily with all the angst that is going in this one!) , but because I’m working on the behind the scenes stuff now and it is scaring the crap out of me, I thought I would share my burden.
Is that alright with you?! A worry shared is a worry halved and all that…
Maybe it will make me feel better, maybe by expressing it I will release some of the tension I’m holding. Maybe my tummy will feel less cramped and my thoughts less out of control. Maybe my fears will rein back in a little. Let’s see…
Why am I putting myself through this? When you grow personally and professionally it often comes with expanding your comfort zone. I have to admit, it’s not a bloody nice feeling at all. But there is something in me urging me on. It is my Why. My Purpose trying to connect with me and drive me forward while a tide of resistance and fear about my ability and my competency washes over me and my ‘holy shit who do you think you are’ other-persona is rearing its unattractive face.
Okay, okay, I’ll cut to what is freaking me out. I am going into production of my planners.
I can’t keep doing it on my poor little printer. It takes ages and I can’t print the personal ones in a way that I am happy with to provide to you! The demand is there and I seem to be making a difference to some people so I feel like I need to bring it to the next level…
But it is just little old me sitting at my desk taking on all these decisions and areas that I have no real idea about…Quantities, quotes, forecasting, financing, designs, distribution (and on and on and on!). I’m researching, asking questions and trying to make educated and poignant progress. But it is still scary.
I worry about it all going wrong and flopping and being a big pile of doggie doo. Will people like it? Will they buy it? Will it help them craft their lives? Will they hate it? Will I be left with a mountain of planners and be so flat out broke that I can’t feed the dog? Will the world spin off its axis and will gravity cease to exist?? (you can relate to that gigantic disaster thinking right?!)
But then I also dream of doing it right, with great intention and all the joy and satisfaction it would have on me and the impact the range could have on others.
I am generally a positive person, with a can do attitude. I love helping people to break through their fears and inspire them to give what they want in life a real go so they don’t live with regret later on. I guess this is just a vulnerable moment and a natural course of thought to get to the bigger picture of what I want…
In the grand scheme of things I am not saving the world. But maybe I am saving myself and helping other people use their planners as a way to build more of who they are and what they want into their lives. It has felt pretty damn good so far. The feedback I have gotten is fabulous. Sure, I’ve had a few hiccups along the way but the good has been overwhelmingly great. So I feel I want to push forward and give it a mighty go.
I just have to get through these moments and push through these thoughts…. Then, ‘to infinity and beyOOOOOOOOOND!’.
Help Me! Have you felt something like this in your personal or professional life? Was worth it to you? Please share with us – or just me on hello [at] lifeiscrafted [dot] com. Thank you for reading and commenting and sharing with me so I feel less like I’m a crazy girl talking to myself.
(I feel a bit like Julia Roberts in Notting Hill saying that “I’m just a girl” line… – not in terms of being loved, but in terms of putting myself and by business out there to be seen by the world.). Okay, I do feel a little lighter…but now I’m worrying about your reaction…but I shouldn’t care what other people think…but I do. Well, I do if you’re a good person. If you’re an ass then I can comfortably not care. But if you’re reading this you can’t be that bad right?! You must be a pretty awesome person. Okay ramble over. I’m going to fix my crazy hair…
Life is crafted. Craft yours,